Today has been rough. I’ve been overseeing a project at work that just keeps failing. My group project for grad school feels all over the place, and I am starting to panic about the approaching holidays. Days like this make it hard to step back, away from my little fishbowl of a life and see what I have for what it really is. Nothing in my life is as bad as it seems.
I keep reminding myself, after my application I need for work freezes, restarts or fails after 3 hours of work, that this too shall pass. My group project for school will find a way to work itself out and potentially showcase the hard work we are all stressing about. But, as easy as this sounds in theory, the actual practice of “chilling out” seems utterly impossible on days like today.
I have always been a worrier. My mom and my teachers always told me I worried over nothing. Mostly, it was about school and grades and things that now, when I dream of learning for learning’s sake (rather than for practical reasons), seem so petty and unimportant. Later, it morphed into concerns about boys and looks and all those things we wished weren’t important. Now, as I like to tell my husband, “I have to find something to worry about!” Usually I stress about money, work, money, time management, money, school and money. But, it is the days like these, the days when the fishbowl feels like it is being shaken and poked and prodded–it is this sort of day when it is necessary to remind yourself that what seems like the crisis of the century might actually just be a little bump that will teach (even if it does eat at you), and it is a day, very much like today, when it is necessary to watch a bad movie or a hockey game with the hunky guy I ended up marrying (even though he is sick and phlegmy) and take a breath. In the moments between 1st intermission and the puck drop, I need to think of what I have done, not just what needs doing.